Amberzilla vs. Mothra

Last night as I was stretching on my bed (a nightly ritual) I noticed a dark fluttering silhouette out of the corner of my eye. When I turned to look, I was startled by a massive ugly moth freaking out by my floor lamp–which in turn caused me greater fear than I knew I could handle at that hour, or the next morning as I come to find out.

I hate moths with a passion. Something about the very un-fairly like dust that they drop as they flutter in a frantic manner, and the fact that they cause entire forests to fall to the ground had instilled fear and hatred similar to that of a cockroach. What made moths worse than cockroaches, however, was their ability to fly–making it difficult to capture–similar to flies.

Since I had been up way past my bedtime (12:30am), I decided to just turn the lights off and hope that darkness would destroy this creature of nature which did not belong in my room. I quickly ducked under my comforter covering my head. It took less than a minute for me to realize it was extremely difficult to breath underneath a layer of down. I stuck my head out and after catching a fresh air of oxygen, began to doze off. However, to my dismay, I was woken by the sound of the moth attempting to fly towards, perhaps, the light creeping through the window shade but failing miserably by slamming itself into a wall or a window.

It was mortifying to think that a disgusting moth was flying over my head while I tried to sleep. The few times I got up to go to the bathroom, I would run into the bathroom still dark, slam the door, then turn the lights on. Then I would turn the lights off, open the door and dive into my bed fearing that perhaps that the reflection from my white sheets might have attracted the moth. Then I would repeat the duck-under-covers, unable-to-breath, stick-my-head-out-and-fear-the-sound-of-the-moth-slamming-itself-into-the-wall routine several times.

I had a restless night.

In the morning I woke up and looked around the room. Lo and behold, the creature had survived the night and had perched itself high near my vaulted ceiling. I was once again mortified. As I brushed my teeth and washed my face, I kept peeking out the bathroom door to see if there was anyway I could capture or destroy the moth. It looked huge. It was like Mothra, Godzilla’s mortal enemy.

I got an idea. There was a huge beach towel hanging in the bathroom. Perhaps the towel would be big and heavy enough to destroy the creature if I could manage to hit the moth. I grabbed the towel, leaned back as far as I could and threw the beach towel as high as I could to hit the moth (my ceilings are over 15ft tall). As I threw the towel and managed to hit the moth, I tripped over my bed frame and fell over backwards, slicing my finger. A battle wound!

I looked at the massive towel lying on my desk. Should I pick it up? Is the moth still alive? If it were, would it fly in my face if I picked up the towel? The suspense was overbearing. Then I noticed that Mothra had escaped it’s death-by-beach-towel doom!! It was now sitting on the side of my mattress. This was much more manageable. I would go get my vacuum and just suck it through the hose! However, as soon as I stepped out of the bathroom doorway, the enemy flew into the bathroom, lured by the bright vanity lights. Aaagghh!! How can I get ready for work now?! The battle was ON. I quickly assembled my hose extension–which was not nearly long enough as I had to get very close to the moth to reach it from the floor–turned the vacuum on and slowly sneaked up on the enemy. Strike!! Mothra quickly got sucked into the vacuum hose and the battle was over!!

I was shaking by the time the battle was over. A little too much stress and excitement for a Monday morning, but the battle was won.